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Allison Dubois: A psychic with a bad memory. Go figure.
Allison Dubois: Psychic with a bad sense of time.
Joe Dubois: Do you remember where you live?
Allison Dubois: Hmm, I'm seeing a house. I'm seeing a guy in his underwear. I'm seeing lots of dishes in the sink.
Joe Dubois: It's amazing how you do that.
Allison Dubois: How can you say that?
Joe Dubois: I move my lips, I push out air. There's nothing to it.
Bridgette Dubois: Don't let her chop my head off!
Joe Dubois: Chop your head off?
Joe Dubois: You bringing your work home with you again?
Allison Dubois: Ow!
[pulls a portable phone out of couch cushions]
Joe Dubois: Wow. You one of those people who can talk out of their ass?
Allison Dubois: It's not funny.
Joe Dubois: It's kind of funny.
annoyed about having to clean the house before her birthday party]
Joe Dubois: Aren't you going to get that?
Allison Dubois: Why? It's one of the wicked stepsisters calling to say she's coming to the ball, but she wants me to stop and clean her fireplace.
Ariel are both trying to talk to Allison at once]
Ariel Dubois: This is completely unfair! I had her first, Dad.
Joe Dubois: No, point in fact, I had her first or else you wouldn't be here.
Ever since you made the decision not to go to law school, to go to work for the
D.A. as a consultant, I don't know, you seem kinda…
Allison Dubois: Bitchy? Cranky? Pissed off?
Joe Dubois: You can read minds.
Joe Dubois: Call Maury Povich - tell him I'm ready for my close-up.
Allison Dubois: He looks pretty good, don't you think?
Joe Dubois: For a functional alcoholic - absolutely. You know he's still out there drinking by himself?
Allison Dubois: Wow, who died and appointed you the mayor of Funville?
hunting for her keys]
Joe Dubois: Keys? I would think even to get a psychic learner's permit you'd have to be able to find a lost set of...
Allison Dubois: [holding them] Keys?
Allison Dubois: It's
9:00. How am I
supposed to know you're OK? How do I know you're not lying dead somewhere?
Joe Dubois: If something had happened, somebody would've called. If I were dead, who are we kidding, you'd be the first to know.
Allison Dubois: I just had a weird dream...
Joe Dubois: Of course you did. It's a day ending in "Y".